


One Last Chance

by Anonymous



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Atonement - Freeform, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Emotionally Hurt Sam Winchester, Forgiveness, Gen, Guilty Dean Winchester, Hurt Sam Winchester, Past Castiel/Dean Winchester, Pregnant Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:37:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Dean knows there’s probably no chance of Cas ever forgiving him for being kicked out of the bunker, human and pregnant with with just the clothes on his back when even they belonged to someone else.But he doesn’t have it in him not to at least try and atone.





	One Last Chance

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to Needs Must, also on the meme.
> 
> There is potential for a happy ending here, even if all our boys cry at least once before they get there.

They come to an unspoken agreement very quickly after Cas comes home.

It can be easily summed up: Dean will have nothing to do with Cas, or the child, beyond complete necessities.

So anything Cas can’t do for himself, he turns to Sam.

It’s Sam who takes Cas shopping for new clothes, because he’s outgrown the ones that Patrick bought him.

It’s Sam who takes Cas to his OB-GYN appointments, and fills Cas’s prescriptions and rubs Cas’s back when he’s bent over the toilet puking because sometimes morning sickness lasts longer in men than in women.

Through all of this, though, Sam’s aware of Dean lingering in their periphery. Even at the appointments, he spots the Impala, parked nearby, and at the mall.

Even when Cas is sick, and Sam’s helping him back to bed, leaving him out water and saltines, he knows Dean is nearby, just watching.

And Sam gets it, he does. In another lifetime, it would have been Dean doing all these things for Cas. 

But Dean fucked up, and so he lost that privilege. 

So he’s trying to meet his responsibilities as best he can, make up for what happened as best he can.

Sam, despite his still present anger for his brother, aches for him. But it’s Cas, and the baby, who have to come first, and maybe...in his darker movements...he thinks this will be a good lesson for Dean.

That he can’t keep making decisions for people and then thinking ‘good intentions’ and an apology will cancel out the consequences.

It doesn’t work like that, and it’s time Dean learned.

++

But shit, as usual, happens, and it’s two weeks later when Sam decides he should probably see what Dean’s up to in the spare room in the dormitory and his foot catches something slick in the doorway and he goes down with a thud.

The pain is sharp sudden, and steals away his breath; Dean’s by his side in a second, horror on his face, and then he puts his weight on Sam’s shoulders, holding him still.

“Do not move, Sammy, I mean it.”

Like he could try. The pain centres itself in his lower leg, and Sam ignores Dean’s protests and looks down.

He wants to throw up, then, because that is a fucking break, his leg bent unnaturally and something sharp poking up against the leg of his jeans.

Beyond that he can see the wall, and bright half finished colours, clouds, animals, and he knows what Dean’s been doing lately.

The paint spattered over his jeans confirms it, and also what Sam probably slipped on.

He slumps back, groaning, as Dean yells for Cas. 

Why is it, lately, that all the shitty things that happen to him can be traced back to his brother?

++

Sam gets out of the hospital the next day, a plate and pins in his leg and crutches so he can walk.

Which presents a massive problem, because he lives down a circular flight of stairs, and he has a pregnant family member to take care of and how the hell is he going to manage?

Cas and Dean each take an arm and help him into his room, and settle him down, but Cas is so far along now and what is going to happen?

Cas offers to make some tea, and get Sam his painkillers, and waddles off, leaving the brothers alone.

And Sam doesn’t want to cry, he doesn’t, but how much more can he take? It’s like life is playing dirty, throwing one problem after another at him until he feels so broken down and out of options that he can’t go on.

Dean sits down next to him, hands clenched in his lap, like he wants to reach out for his brother but he knows these days he has no right to do so without permission.

Just like he hasn’t touched Cas once since they brought him home.

“It’ll be okay,” he manages, and Sam laughs through his tears.

Okay? 

Dean flinches. “Look, Sam, I screwed up. We all know it, and I can’t change what I did, can’t take it back. But you both…. You need to give me a chance, here. I can make up for what I did, but not if you’re both just going to keep me at arms’ length the whole time.”

Sam glares at him. There it is. Once again, it’s all about Dean’s wants, Dean’s needs, and it’s just proof that Dean hasn’t learned a damn thing.

“You don’t get it,” Sam says. “You still don’t get it.”

“What? That I need to earn forgiveness? To earn being a part of this family again? Because you both, you’ve shut me right out, and I had that coming, I know it. But if you don’t let me, how can I try? Or is this it? Should I just get my shit and go?”

 _Yes_ , part of Sam wants to say. _Yes, you should, because there is no coming back from what you did, no matter how hard you try_.

Except…. He remembers when Dean forgave him, not once, not twice, but every time Sam did something so terrible he was sure Dean would never speak to him again.

Yes, Dean made him work for it, it wasn’t instantaneous. Dean had to learn to trust him again, had to feel like Sam wasn’t going to hurt him again.

But it did happen and now…. This is Dean’s compilation, his equivalent of all of Sam’s fuck ups rolled into one, but maybe all that means is that Dean will need longer and have to work harder to earn their forgiveness.

Not to get back into their family. He will always be Sam’s brother, he will always have a place here with them.

Sam pulls Dean into his arms, lets his brother hold him, and tells Dean if he even tries to leave, he will kick his ass.

But they do need to talk about Cas.

++

Cas is...guarded around Dean. 

It’s like he has barriers he won’t drop, a heavily reinforced perimeter and Dean figures that’s Cas’s right.

He has no reason to trust Dean or feel safe in his presence, and it’s that first trip out of the bunker, Dean escorting him to his next appointment that provides him an inkling as to why.

Before they go, he’s left pacing in the war room, because Cas needed to get some things.

He loses patience, after a bit, because they’re going to be late, and so even though he knows it’s a bad idea, he goes along to Cas’s room, just to make sure he’s okay. 

Cas never knows he’s there. He watches Cas packing a bag, with clothes, underwear, his pills, even the wallet Dean knows Sam gave him with two spare cards and some cash.

Dean flees back to the war room. This…. Okay, he knew Cas wouldn’t be happy with him taking over from Sam, but he never imagined Cas would…

Leave over it.

Panic ramps up his heart rate, because they just got Cas home and if he leaves…. He doesn’t have anywhere to go. Patrick won’t take him back and Dean would lock them all in the bunker before he lets Cas go back to that creep.

If he leaves now, Dean will never get the chance to make things up to him, and Sam has only just let him in again, what will he think if he finds out Cas left because of him?

“Dean.”

He turns around to see Cas standing there, bag strung over his shoulder, looking like he’s about to go into battle.

“Okay,” Dean says, and his voice comes out suprisingly level. “Ready?”

Cas just walks past him to the car, and that’s that.

++

Dean knows better than to try small talk on the way to the appointment. It’s bad enough Cas is stuck with him (and he’d thought at first maybe this would be a chance to talk to Cas, to show him that he was trying to put things right) but now he sees that Cas can barely tolerate being alone with him.

The last thing a pregnant person needs is their blood pressure sent searing so Dean keeps his mouth shut.

Even though he so desperately wants to beg Cas not to go.

He’s not surprised when Cas has him wait outside for the appointment. Hurt, but not surprised, especially when the doctor asks where Cas’s partner is.

Cas explains briefly that he’s coming in alone, this time, his friend’s brother having agree to drive him.

Is that what he is now? Cas’s friend’s brother? Not Cas’s ex-boyfriend. Not the father of his kid. Not even an acquaintance.

It’s very hard not to just follow Cas into that room, because he wants to know his kid’s okay, maybe even if it’s going to be a boy or a girl, but then his head spitefully reminds him it won’t matter which gender the baby is because Cas is likely not going back with him to the bunker so he’ll never see it, or Cas, again after today.

When they get downstairs, Cas almost hesitates as they walk to the car.

This, Dean thinks, is it.

“Cas,” he says.

“Don’t. I’m not an idiot, Dean. I know that my presence in the bunker has put strain on your relationship with Sam, this whole situation has caused issues. But I…. I can’t hear you say it again, so let’s pretend that you did, and just leave it at that. I’m not sure what you’ll tell Sam...probably that I just left again, of my own accord, but please at least tell him I’ll grateful he came to find me, and that he let me stay as long as he did, that he took care of me.”

Wait, _what_?

And then Cas is turning, walking away, and holy shit, no.

Dean runs to catch him up, not difficult since Dean could outpace him dragging a jumbo jet behind him, and gets in his way.

“No, Cas, what the hell?”

Cas is...holy shit, he’s crying.

Dean wants to reach for him, he wants to do it so bad but he lost that right. He lost the right to even look at Cas, to even talk to him, to even dare think he had a right to try and atone for what he did.

“Cas.”

“I just…. I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Dean sighs. “Hormones, Cas. Your system’s flooded with them. It’s okay.”

He has a hankie in his pocket, pulls it out, offers it up.

Cas takes it, nods his thanks, dabs at his eyes and then _starts to go around Dean_.

Dean sidesteps and puts himself once again in Cas’s path. “You think…. You think I wanted to take you to this appointment so I could dump you on the way back?”

Cas huffs at him. “I think you saw an opportunity and decided to exploit it.”

His words hit Dean like a shovel to the face, but can he blame Cas? Really? 

“Cas, I…. Fuck.” All he seems to have are the words he’s already used, the excuses he’s already given, because he’s sure that’s all they are to Cas. 

They’re not good enough.

So Dean drops to his knees.

Cas, eyes still tearful, stares down at him in confusion. “Dean?”

“I don’t deserve you,” Dean says. “I didn’t even before I did such a shitty thing. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness. And I was scared, and Gadreel was going to let Sam die, but I was responsible for you, too, and I sent you away with fucking nothing, Cas.”

“I know,” Cas says. “I was there.”

Okay, brutal, but warranted.

“As much as you hate me, Cas, as much as you’ll never forgive me, I will always hate myself more. There’s nothing I can do to ever make up for what I did, but please, Cas, please don’t go. Sam…. Sam needs you there, if I come back without you, he’ll just hobble up those stairs and come looking for you again. Kid loves you, Cas, you’re family and he wants you with him.”

“And what about you, Dean?”

Dean feels like his throat’s locked up, but he pushes past it. “What about me?”

“Would you come looking for me if I left?”

Yes, Dean wants to say, knee jerk and immediate. But he’s cautious because he didn’t come looking for Cas last time. Sam took the lead there, and Dean knows every time he’s offered Cas some pitiful justification for what happened, there’s a million things Cas can point to that prove it a lie, or rather just Dean’s take on things.

“I don’t want you to go,” he says. “Cas, I fucked up. We both know it. And we both know I can’t put it right, and I have no right to ask for another chance, but…. Whatever you’re prepared to give me, I’ll take it.”

Cas stares down at him, and he’s weighing it all up, and all Dean can do is wait, barely breathing.

Then Cas reaches for his hand, helps Dean stiffly to his feet, and gives Dean his bag.

Dean follows him to the car, opens the door, gets Cas inside. Gets behind the wheel, and just sits there, too stunned to speak.

“I remember someone giving me a second chance,” Cas says. “More than once. And I didn’t think I deserved it, then, either. But here we are.”

Dean feels Cas’s hand cup his face, and turns to stare at him. “Cas.”

Cas offers back Dean’s hankie, and then fastens his seatbelt.

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
